The Assessment of 27 Birthdays by Michael Blomquist

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My birthday is on Saturday. My golden birthday. I thought I would check in to see how I felt on each of my birthdays leading up to this one.

  1. Bada.
  2. My teeth hurt.
  3. Walking is hard.
  4. Note to self: Do not hit kid with putter because he cut in front of you at putt-putt.
  5. School is hard.
  6. America Online?
  7. Why is my wee wee doing that?
  8. There aren’t that many people at my party this year.
  9. Why are kids calling me fat?
  10. Why are kids calling me fat?
  11. Man, I’m fat.
  12. What up, girl? Oh, that’s right. I’m fat.
  13. Oh, that’s why it does that.
  14. At least my dog came to hang out.
  15. Man, high school is hard.
  16. What up, girl? Yeah, I got a car. Yes. I am still fat. That’s right.
  17. Hey, I’m not fat anymore! What? I’m getting braces?
  18. Fuck. I’m going to college with braces.
  19. Thank God I figured out how to work that thing.
  20. This was a good one.
  21. Hi, Scotch, nice to meet you.
  22. What up, girl? You want to have sex? You do? Um… coooool…
  23. Life! Here I come!
  24. Man, life is hard.
  25. At least I can rent a car.
  26. Prometheus is really not a very good movie.
  27. Hopeful?
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