Month: August 2013

An Owl Reviews Delivery Pizza from Domino’s


Domino’s Pizza Delivery – Medium Pepperoni & Bacon Hand Tossed Pizza w/Breadsticks.

On a surprisingly hot, but quite pleasant early autumn afternoon, I decided to treat myself to some pizza for lunch. It was Friday after all, the end of a hectic work week. And by work, I basically mean, sitting in trees and occasionally flying around sporadically. I wanted something cheap and easy, but still delicious, like a field mouse but NOT a field mouse if you get what I’m saying. I’m an owl. I remember seeing some commercials for a company telling me that their pizza wasn’t very good, but they were working on it and that apparently they were putting a guarantee on the box that the pizza was now good, especially compared to how it used to be. Well, what’s good for the goose (my friend Sperel, who is a goose, and likes Domino’s) is good for the Gander (my friend Steve Gander, who is also a goose), so I decided that Domino’s it would be.

Finding a coupon online, I ordered 2 medium 2 topping pizzas, some would take this opportunity to try two different types of pizza, but I’m a fan of stocking up. So I ordered a pepperoni & bacon and a pepperoni & bacon. And some breadsticks. If you haven’t ordered online from Domino’s in a while, you’re in for a treat. Not only is the process quick and easy, but after placing your order, you’ll be taken to a screen that updates you in the pizza making process and informs you exactly what state your almost delivered pizza is in, whether that’s in the “making stage” or the “baking stage” or… “on it’s way.” This is an example of technology done right. Some would say it’s an unnecessary convenience. But, I’m often amused by bright lights being flashed on me in the middle of the evening, because I’m an owl. So, I enjoyed it.

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A Dumb White Guy defends Miley Cyrus’s VMA Performance as “Fine”

Miley Cyrus @ the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards

Oooo… okay. Now maybe, uh… obviously I’m coming at it from a different place, but um… I didn’t think it was that bad of a thing? I mean, I guess I didn’t care, uh… is what I’m trying to say.

Do I think she was objectified? Uh, I mean… not really. She was the one dancing, yknow? Seemed like she was having a good time, or at least trying to look like she was. She stuck her tongue out for like 70% of it, right? So… maybe she was just being silly. Yeah, you know what, isn’t she kind of a funny girl or something? I feel like I saw an interview once where she seemed to have a sense of humor about herself. So maybe she was just goofing around out there. I don’t know. I mean, I’m a dumb white guy, so y’know.

What? Well, yeah, maybe MTV exploited it a little bit, but uh… seemed like it was on her terms, I guess. I mean, she’s 20 years old, when I was in high school it was a 16 year old Britney Spears and they had countdown clocks til she was 18 so they could get some upskirt shots and stuff. Anyway, that stuff is way grosser. The paparazzi photo flashes and all that. That bugs me, and I’m way over here yknow, being a dumb white guy.

Slut shaming? Who’s saying that? No, I didn’t read any articles about it. Well, Tracy McGrady retired. So, I was looking at youtube clips all morning. 13 points in 35 seconds, man. Why is it called slut shaming? Seems like a bad name. Maybe just call it “fun girl shaming”? I mean, I don’t know, I’m a dumb white guy, so I don’t know. It just doesn’t hit my ear right. Slut shaming. Yuck.

I’m not mad at her. I don’t know why other people would be mad. Who cares, right? A 20 year old girl dancing.

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The Next Batman by Ali Barthwell

I woke up yesterday morning and saw that my Facebook feed had exploded because a new Batman had been announced. All my nerdy friends and ex-boyfriends were outraged and shocked that Ben Affleck was going to be stepping in as the Caped Crusader in the upcoming Batman-Superman (or Superman-Batman depending on your preferences) film announced for 2015.

Your New Batman, America

I can imagine that my friends were upset because Ben Affleck will be 43 years old when he puts on the cowl or that Affleck’s other super hero venture, Daredevil, was considered a huge flop or that Affleck’s career almost came to a Jennifer-Lopez-music-video-appearing halt in the early 2000’s and he resurfaced as a viable Hollywood force not as an actor but a director.

I was upset because it’s time for a Black Batman.
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No, I’m Not a Scientist, but I Know a Mermaid When I See One, and I Was Definitely Having Sex with a Mermaid

Ok guys, I feel like I’m talking in circles here.  From the top, once more.  What I was doing… down by the beach, was actually a very tender, loving moment, not drunken lewd behavior culminating in a solo sexual act.  That’s ridiculous.  No, I don’t have any photographic proof or physical evidence that I was with a half human, half fish, but you’re just going to have to trust me.  
I’m not a scientist, but I know a mermaid when I see one, and I was definitely having sex with a mermaid.  
Oh, I wish!  I wish I was just an inebriated man who was confused and was in a bad place and saw a pile of cluttered sea shells and decided to just give it a go.  I wish that was the case.  Oh man, how I wish that.