Big Gun by Andy Kushnir

Hey y’all, I’m a big fuckin’ gun. I ain’t a small gun, nope. I’m a BIG fuckin’ gun. And let me tell you somethin’ y’all… I love bein’ me. But it seems like lately, everybody’s been all up in ARMS over me… sorry, that was a gun-pun, I love gun-puns y’all. Like, a lot.

But yeah, like why’s everybody mad at me and stuff? It’s like feast or famine over here ya know? Like you either love me or you hate me, like people aren’t this passionate about mayonnaise, and mayonnaise can kill you. Yeah, like if you leave mayo out for too long, harmful bacteria can build up and that stuff can make you sick and die. But if you take care of that mayo, and you refrigerate it, and you put it in the right hands, everybody’ll be safe. And then you’ll just have one bomb-ass sandwich. Continue reading