19 Rejected Monologue Jokes from 2 Weeks Ago by Samuel Priest

Samuel Priest was a contributor to the Whiskey Journal Live show, a live talk show currently on hiatus.  These are 19 rejected monologue jokes that were submitted for the last two weeks of shows.  They were rejected for being “not exactly what we’re looking for here, Sam, we were thinking something smarter.  And if not that, something that would appeal to the 18 to 24 demo, you know pop culture references, have you heard of Lady Gaga?”

 

-Netflix released 14 new episodes of “Arrested Development” on Sunday, in case you hadn’t heard from your facebook or twitter feeds, the internet is really set to explode the NEXT week when the same Arrested Development episodes are released, but this time the soundtrack is that new Daft Punk album.

-The Dalia Lama said last week that killing in the name of religion was just ‘unthinkable’, well thanks a lot, Mr. Lama, now that’s ALL I can think of.

-The parents of honey boo boo got married last week, finally answering the question “if our gross voyeuristic sideshow culture records two idiots getting married in the woods, do we make it an hour long special or a half hour that runs during sweeps?”

-A recent report said almost half of Americans say that growing marijuana should be legal. The other half said “hey, take me off of this calling list” and hung up.

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24 Rejected Monologue Jokes from the Past 2 Weeks by Samuel Priest

Samuel Priest is currently a contributor to the Whiskey Journal Live show, a live talk show happening at 9 PM every Wednesday in May at Fizz Bar.  These are 24 rejected monologue jokes from the second two weeks of shows.  They were rejected for being “only funny if we picture you saying them, and you won’t be saying them.” 

 

-According to an unnamed source, the bombs used in the recent Boston attack were built in the same apartment the suspect shared with his wife and child. Police say they came to this conclusion when amongst the debris, they also found various legos and the end piece of a meatloaf.

-Famed billionaire Warren Buffett joined Twitter last week.  While famed millionaire Jimmy Buffett joined Twitter-RitaVille.

-A Death toll from a Bangladesh building collapse rises to more than 500.  Bangladesh?  More like BanglaDeaths!!! It’s a terrible tragedy, folks.

18 Rejected Monologue Jokes from 2 Weeks Ago by Samuel Priest

Samuel Priest is currently a contributor to the Whiskey Journal Live show, a live talk show happening every Wednesday in May at Fizz Bar.  You can see more details for this live event at https://www.facebook.com/events/507237812672274/ or purchase tickets athttp://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/382981.

These are 18 rejected monologue jokes from the first two weeks of shows.  They were rejected for being “too funny.

-The General Mills Cereal Division breathed a heavy and public sigh of relief when it was revealed last week that the two boston bombers were of Chetnyan descent, and not originating from the briefly reported Honey Nut Chex-Nia.

-A Florida man this week eluded the police by pretending to be asleep and then running off, he was later found hiding on a neighbor’s porch wearing only his underwear.  Did I say man?  I meant “Opossum Who Wears Underwear”

-Making National News headlines this week, France became the 14th country to legalize gay marriage.  When reached for comment, Jerry Lewis said a lot of derogatory things about women.  Just… a lot, you guys.  A whole lot of… disparaging remarks.